“A Father’s Lullabies” helps Dads, children to bond By Drew Walen Much work has been done to document the role of the mother in raising children by social scientists. But in all the history of fatherhood, only in recent years have researchers placed their focus on the impact a male role model has on the development of a child. “So many of us did not grow up with models for nurturance, tenderness and affection” says John Badalament, Ed.M., creator of the acclaimed PBS documentary All Men Are Sons: Exploring the Legacy of Fatherhood. For those of us who are trying to be more nurturing and emotionally present, we’re trying to accomplish this in a cultural context that still teaches boys and men to despise vulnerability. Most fathers today grew up with fathers who adhered to a pretty rigid definition of masculinity unless they were outside of the mainstream. Those definitions are ‘be strong, be need-less, be independent.’ I think that still goes on today.” Fathers’ roles in raising their children have increased in importance even as many men struggle to communicate their love. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there are over 2 million stay-at-home dads now, a sharp rise from decades past and a telling statistic. For those that are successful and communicative fathers, their children are significantly more likely to have healthy self-esteem, positive social behavior, exhibit empathy, and avoid damaging behavior such as drug use, truancy and criminal activity as found by research done by the National Fatherhood Initiative. “Children with fathers who are affectionate and emotionally present and able to express vulnerability are psychologically healthier,” adds Badalament. It not only helps children, but according to fatherhood specialist and author Richard Luov, fathers find their lives more satisfying when such nurturing bonds exist. The Glueck Study, a four-generation study of fathers, found that men who have connected, emotionally-present relationships with their children are more satisfied with their marriages at midlife, have higher career satisfaction and are overall healthier. The benefits are truly a two-way street. Many tools are becoming available to help teach fathers how to express their love such as Badalament’s All Fathers are Sons video and workshop, Terrence Real’s Relational Recovery Institute, and popular media products like videos and CDs, such as Sandman Records’ new release Dream with Me Tonight, Vol.2 – A Father’s Lullabies. "My main goal, of course, is to lull children to sleep with beautiful and meaningful songs that their parents will love too,” said Lanny Sherwin, creator of the award-winning CD series and President of Sandman Records. “But I also hope that the songs will subconsciously teach children and fathers that it's okay – even good – for a man to express his emotions openly. That's very important for children, and families, to hear. So many men have a hard time showing the softer side of themselves that seems to come so naturally to mothers— I know I grew up that way.” Sherwin suggests that listening to and singing along with the lyrics may help dads begin to feel comfortable with the flood of emotions that a new baby evokes. “The birth of our son marked a significant change in the way I began to open up emotionally, and it would be wonderful if A Father's Lullabies encouraged other fathers to learn to speak with love and tenderness to their children.” Drew Walen is a Nashville-based freelance journalist with publications in The City Paper-Nashville, The Tennessean, DiG Magazine, MC2 Magazine, and is a full-time father to George Roman Walen and husband to Jennifer Walen. He's also a published singer/songwriter who secretly wants to be Michael McDonald.